


All This Time (We Always Walked a Very Thin Line)

by Love_andbalance



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Choose Your Own Adventure, Denial of Feelings, F/M, Feelings Realization, Folklore Album, Jealousy, Nostalgia, Post-Break Up, Post-Divorce, Rey is With Someone Else, Reylo - Freeform, Too Much Pride, Uncertain Ending, but is it enough, it's poe, love remains
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-01
Updated: 2020-08-01
Packaged: 2021-03-06 01:14:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,865
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25574893
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Love_andbalance/pseuds/Love_andbalance
Summary: A submission for the Reylo Folklore Collab, based on the song Exile by Taylor Swift.I wanted the story to read like this duet, where we are being giving both sides of a situation and in many places it feels like a conversation that occurs between two people. To do that, the story will switch between POVs throughout. Ben's side of the scene with be in regular text, and Rey's will be in italics.Please mind the tags, this song is about a relationship that has ended and the woman is now with someone else. Rey is with Poe during this story, though I leave it up the reader to determine whether she remains with him or attempts to reconcile with Ben at the end.
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 8
Kudos: 24
Collections: Reylo/Folklore Drabble Collection





	All This Time (We Always Walked a Very Thin Line)

**Author's Note:**

> Lyrics- Exile, Taylor Swift  
> From her Folklore Album
> 
> I can see you standing, honey  
> With his arms around your body  
> Laughin', but the joke's not funny at all  
> And it took you five whole minutes  
> To pack us up and leave me with it  
> Holdin' all this love out here in the hall
> 
> I think I've seen this film before  
> And I didn't like the ending  
> You're not my homeland anymore  
> So what am I defending now?  
> You were my town, now I'm in exile, seein' you out  
> I think I've seen this film before
> 
> I can see you starin', honey  
> Like he's just your understudy  
> Like you'd get your knuckles bloody for me  
> Second, third, and hundredth chances  
> Balancin' on breaking branches  
> Those eyes add insult to injury
> 
> I think I've seen this film before  
> And I didn't like the ending  
> I'm not your problem anymore  
> So who am I offending now?  
> You were my crown, now I'm in exile, seein' you out  
> I think I've seen this film before  
> So I'm leaving out the side door
> 
> So step right out, there is no amount  
> Of crying I can do for you  
> All this time  
> We always walked a very thin line  
> You didn't even hear me out (You didn't even hear me out)  
> You never gave a warning sign (I gave so many signs)  
> All this time  
> I never learned to read your mind (Never learned to read my mind)  
> I couldn't turn things around (You never turned things around)  
> 'Cause you never gave a warning sign (I gave so many signs)  
> So many signs, so many signs  
> You didn't even see the signs
> 
> I think I've seen this film before  
> And I didn't like the ending  
> You're not my homeland anymore  
> So what am I defending now?  
> You were my town, now I'm in exile, seein' you out  
> I think I've seen this film before  
> So I'm leavin' out the side door
> 
> So step right out, there is no amount  
> Of crying I can do for you  
> All this time  
> We always walked a very thin line  
> You didn't even hear me out (Didn't even hear me out)  
> You never gave a warning sign (I gave so many signs)  
> All this time  
> I never learned to read your mind (Never learned to read my mind)  
> I couldn't turn things around (You never turned things around)  
> 'Cause you never gave a warning sign (I gave so many signs)  
> You never gave a warning sign (All this time)  
> (So many times) I never learned to read your mind  
> (So many signs) I couldn't turn things around (I couldn't turn things around)  
> 'Cause you never gave a warning sign (You never gave a warning sign)  
> You never gave a warning sign  
> Ah, ah

Ben watched her from across the room, her smile bright and confident as always. The sight of it tore at his heart until he felt like he might drown in the pain. He didn’t recognize the man that had his arms wrapped around her waist, but whoever he was, he was holding the only thing had Ben had ever given a shit about in his life.

Rey had been his world for the five years that she had been his wife- before she’d left him stunned and broken by moving out suddenly and filing for divorce- and seeing her now with another man’s hands on her body made rage and nausea swim in his stomach.

Fuck Hux for insisting he come to this party in the first place. Ben hadn’t bothered with the social scene at all since she left, and while he couldn't exactly blame Hux for Rey being here- the odds of both of them showing up at the time in the same place were low enough that it bordered on impossibility- he absolutely blamed Hux for dragging him out at all. His best friend had at least had the sense to turn even paler than usual and apologize repeatedly once they had arrived and realized that _she_ was here. 

He'd wanted to leave immediately, he _should have_ left, but he couldn't resist the opportunity to see her. Even from across the room, even when she was holding on to someone else, even when it poured pain into him like acid into his bloodstream. So, he stayed- drinking in her face and the sound of her laugh like a man obsessed.

Because, of course, he was.

He wanted to storm across the room and tear her away from the man that was running his fingers absently over her arm- to use his fists to hurt and destroy everything about this interloper that dared to touch her skin- but he knew he couldn’t. She’d hate him even more than she already did if he tried.

She wasn’t his anymore.

His hand trembled as he brought his glass to his lips.

_She knew the exact moment that he spotted her. Her skin prickled and electricity shot across her nerves. It had always been that way when Ben looked at her. It was nearly a divine experience, something she had never known with anyone else. Something she knew she would never be capable of knowing with anyone else._

_She ignored him, almost couldn’t bear to look at him as he ran his hand through the hair that she used to spend hours rubbing between her own fingers. Instead, she faced Poe and forced her lips into a smile. His presence wasn't electric, but it was warm and steady. He was kind and thoughtful and she enjoyed his company. A quick glance at his face told her that he was watching her fondly._

_She didn’t **need** to look to know that Ben was staring. Didn’t need to look to know there would be rage and jealousy in his eyes. It had been a year since the divorce, but she knew that man better than he knew himself. _

_He was spoiled and rich, a hot shot film and Broadway star with too much magnetism and charisma for his own good. She’d fallen head over heels for him and given him the best five years of her life._

_Not that it had mattered much to him._

_He'd always wanted what he couldn’t have, but never invested the time or the energy that it took to keep it or care for it properly. He’d stare a hole through her tonight because she was here with another man, but if she had come to this party with Ben instead, he would have hardly spared a glance at her the whole night. He would have been too busy charming everyone else instead ._

_It added insult to her injury that he always treated her like a child treated a toy, something that was only desirable when someone else was playing with it._

_She tipped her chin up and kissed Poe’s cheek._

_She wasn’t Ben’s anymore._

“Jesus, Ben, I’m sorry,” Hux said again between sips of whatever fruity flavored bullshit was in that glass of his. “I swear I didn’t know she was gonna be here.”

Ben shrugged, trying to pretend like he wasn’t being flayed alive every time she laughed at one that asshole’s jokes.

Poe.

That’s what Hux had told him. The asshole’s name was Poe Dameron.

“It’s been long enough,” Ben said bitterly. “She’s free to do whatever she wants, right?”

Hux watched him down another whiskey and nodded shakily. “Yeah, I guess she can.”

“She might as well have killed me when she left,” Ben admitted, his eyes never leaving her. He had long since stopped finding any solace in the bottom of a bottle, but enough alcohol might provide him with the blessed relief of oblivion. It would have to be enough.

“I know.” Hux looked miserable, his face creased with concern, but there was nothing he could do, nothing anyone could do.

Ben had cried himself dry for her months ago, but the hurt was still there. It was always going to be there.

_“Are you alright?” Poe’s voice was a low murmur beside her, but it was enough to startle her into a guilty smile. Her mind had been far away, in a different time and a different place._

_“I’m fine,” she assured him, tipping a glass of champagne to her lips and canting her body so that she could see past Poe’s shoulders to where Ben was standing. He was talking to Armitage, and a she huffed out a small sigh._

_She missed Armie, but he had made it clear after the divorce that as much he loved her, Ben was his oldest friend. She'd understood, Ben had no one else on his side, but it the loss of a friend still hurt. Armie was steadfastly loyal and though he shot her a weak smile when he caught her looking, he made no move to say hello. Ben had always been his first priority._

_He had been her first priority, too- even above herself- until she couldn’t take it anymore, until she realized that she loved him so much that she had lost herself in him. That there was nothing left of her because he had consumed her entirely._

_If some part of her wondered if perhaps if might not have been a fair trade, to be loved and be loved with such intensity, she resolutely ignored it._

_It was only because **he** was here, looking so handsome and clouding her judgement. Her decision was the same as it had been every day since she’d left. Just like every single other day when she’d talked herself out of going home._

He felt her before she spoke, a radiant presence beside his elbow that soothed the ragged the edges of his nerves. The whiskey in his system dulled the alarm bells that he knew should be ringing in his mind, leaving him free to enjoy the scent of perfume without worrying about how much it was going to be tomorrow when he could still smell it on his skin.

She was standing _so close_ to him. He closed his eyes and prayed for time to stop and let him exist forever in this moment exactly as it was. She wasn't his, but she was here. If this was all that he could have of her, he would take it.

_I can feel you staring, honey,” she cooed, sarcasm dripping from her every word. “Do you think he’s just standing in for you until I take you back? He’s not an understudy in one of your plays.”_

_She didn’t know where the urge to hurt him had come from. Maybe it was the champagne or maybe she was trying to prove a point to both of them- that she was **over** him and **not** coming back- but she had made her excuses to Poe, muttering something about needing to find the bathroom and instead found herself here, taunting him._

_Ben was looking down at her with blurry eyes and the pain she saw there, like his mouth was closed but his soul was screaming, made her almost feel bad for being so terrible. Almost. A little bit._

_She squirmed uncomfortably and watched as his fingers flexed on the glass, the skin whitening._

_“Don’t even think about it, Ben. You keep your hands off him,” she said firmly._

_It wouldn’t be the first time that Ben had bloodied his knuckles for her. She tried to cling to the small show of his temper as proof that she had been right to leave, that he was messed up and no good for her, but it wasn’t the first time she had gotten drunk been horrible to him, either. Maybe they were just horrible to each other._

He flicked an irritated glance in her direction, surprised that she was so protective of her new infatuation, but he knew it wouldn’t be enough to hide the longing in his gaze. “You’re not mine to defend anymore,” he said pointedly.

She frowned, the corners of her mouth dipping like they did when he disappointed her. He was always disappointing her, even when he couldn’t figure out how- like right now when she was being petty and ridiculous and unfathomable.

Did she want him to start throwing punches at her pretty new boyfriend? The one that didn’t know how to take care of her? Poe should have handed her a glass of water after that third glass of champagne. She was going to be mean tonight and hung over tomorrow.

_She squeezed her eyes shut. It was true, she wasn't his, so why did it hurt so much when he was the one saying it?_

_“You’re right," she agreed, swallowing the last of the last of her champagne and setting it down on the table with a solid thump that cracked the gl ass. I’m not your problem anymore.”_

_The laugh that escaped her was high pitched and slightly hysterical. She’d had too much to drink and maybe she was just being confrontational, or maybe she was looking for a fight, or maybe she was looking for him to fight for her like he had always done before. so_

_"Rey,” he said, sending a shiver down her spine when his hand settled soothingly on her hip. “You were never a problem.”_

 _“No? But you’re angry at me. Are you offended? Seeing me with someone else?” She knew she was goading him, pushing at him and his temper because she had more alcohol in her than sense._ _Had she ever really wanted to leave? Or had she just wanted him to try and stop her, to work to keep her and show her that she was as important to him as he was to her?_

_She didn’t know anymore._

He blinked at down at her, mulling over her words and trying to sort through his emotions. She didn't look happy now, and something swelled inside him that felt dangerously like a hope he knew would have the power to end him. 

“I’m not offended,” he said truthfully, running his hands through his hair in frustration. “It was never about that.” Did she really think that it was? That it was his pride that was hurt and not his heart? Could he have possibly failed that spectacularly at showing her how much she was loved?

He leaned down until his face was so close to hers that he could smell the champagne on her breath and whispered, “You just left, Rey. It took you five minutes to pack everything about us away. You never gave me any signs that anything was wrong.”

_Her jaw dropped. “I gave **so many** signs.”_

_She had, hadn't she? She'd been so sure that she'd been clear, that he'd been able to read her cues and had chosen to ignore them._

_He rolled a shoulder defensively. “Then I was shit at reading them. Couldn’t you have just talked to me? I never learned to read your mind, but I would have done anything to turn things around if I'd known you were unhappy.”_

_It hit her hard, the naked vulnerability in his voice, and the subtle accusation that maybe she wasn’t as upfront with her feelings as she could have been. She’d always had too much pride, put on a happy face instead of admitting that she was hurting and asking for something different._

_She sighed. “No, I guess you never learned to read my mind, but I never learned to speak it, not when it really mattered. So, who’s fault is it really that we never managed to turn things around?” She pressed her lips together into a thin line. “We hurt each other so much.”_

He didn’t know how it happened, how she ended up standing so close to him with her chest pressed against him and her eyes wide, but he knew that’s where she belonged.

“I know you’re angry and you’re hurt,” he murmured it in her ear, brushing his lips against the soft skin there and letting his hope creep higher when her fingers twisted in the hem of his shirt. “Does that mean we have to be in exile forever? Do I deserve to know you’re with someone else for the rest of my life? Does that make either of us happy? I love you, Rey, and I’ve seen this film before. It doesn’t end well for anyone.”

He watched in anguished silence as she shook her head and walked away.

_“We’re leaving. Right now. It'll be faster if we go out the side door,” she told Poe, tucking his hand in hers and leading him through the crowd with a confidence that she didn’t feel. Her insides were shaking, her mind racing, her heart pounding too loudly in her head._

_She could still feel Ben's lips against her ear._

_Thankfully, Poe didn’t ask any questions about their abrupt departure. She knew he hadn’t spotted Ben yet, not that he would have understood exactly what was happening anyway._ _She had always shied away from questions about her marriage and he had respected her wishes. He never pushed, never made impossible demands the way that Ben always had._

_Ben had never let up on her, always asking for so much more than she wanted to give, always forcing her to surprise herself with the depth of what she capable of. He was pushy, demanding, needy, and he he had driven her crazy every single day that they had been together._

_The absence of him had driven her crazy every single day that they had been apart._

He watched them leave, a lump in his throat that he couldn’t quite swallow. He wanted to let her go in peace, to watch her walk out of the building and out of his life with her new lover and her new happiness, because that’s what she had chosen and he could make no more demands of her. She wasn’t his home anymore.

_She paused when the door slammed open behind her, looking up to find the bouncing loudly off the wall and rocking wildly on its hinges. Ben was standing in the dim light of the yellow bulb, his chest heaving and his eyes locked on hers. All this time, and she wasn’t able to look at his face without feeling the painful tug on her heart, like she was anchored to him by a longing that she couldn't shake, a sense of belonging that she couldn't deny._

He didn’t move any further than the doorway, made no attempt to follow them into the parking lot, but he could see Poe sitting in the driver’s seat, watching him with alarm as Rey paused with one foot in the car and one on the ground. They had always walked a very fine line, and he knew his future hinged on the decision he was asking her to make.It wasn't fair and it wasn't right, but he knew there was nothing left for him of his world didn't have her in it. 

_She was frozen, pinned beneath his gaze as he silently begged her not to leave. Poe was here and he was good- so good and sweet and kind. But Ben was waiting for her, waiting as he had always waited, even when he fucked up, even when **she** fucked up. They’d spent years balancing on breaking branches, always giving second, third, and hundredth chances._

He watched the indecision flash across her beautiful face, saw the shudder that ran down her form as Poe leaned across the passenger seat and said something to her in low tones that Ben couldn’t hear. He knew he didn’t deserve it, not after everything that happened between them, but when she turned her head back to face him with tears glimmering on her cheeks, he held his hand out in supplication and silently mouthed a single word. “Please.”

_I gave so many signs…_

Please, just hear me out… 

_I didn’t like the ending…._


End file.
